This is my dilemma. Pablo does not fight back. He doesn't grab. He doesn't push. He doesn't hit. But many other kids do. We taught Pablo not to hit a long time ago, not even to retaliate. But more than anything, he really is a kind and gentle kid. However, we see him happily playing with a toy, but another kid grabs it from him. Pablo doesn't normally fight with another kid over toys. He happily gets another toy, unless he really likes the toy he's playing with. That, he would try to patiently wait for his turn to play with it, but most of the time, end up just watching another kid enjoy it. Unless, of course, an adult intervenes. Normally, when I'm around, I ask for the other kid to return the toy to my boy, firmly hold on to it, and kindly promise the other kid that he will get to play with it after my son is done. I would give it to Pablo and let him play with it for a while. Afterwhich, I would ask him to let the other kids borrow it. My son would gladly hand the toy over. Other times, the other parents would be the ones to do it.
But you know, this afternoon, I was saddened by what I witnessed. My son was happily playing with a toy of a friend who also wanted to play with it. The child happens to be quicker and stronger than my son and Pablo couldn't get his turn to play with it. I saw my son raise his arm to hit the other child, but decided against it and just pounded on a table in frustration. I went to him, hugged him, and told him that he'll be okay. I appreciated the mother of his friend who never fails to correct and discipline her child. And truthfully, I don't really blame the child because I know that that child truly loves my child and would never mean to hurt him in any way. What broke my heart was what happened a few hours later. I took my son home so I could spend more time alone with him before leaving for a meeting, and also to get him to nap for the afternoon. We had some really fun moments, but I could sense that he was upset. He was restless, and started getting crankier every minute, demanding this, throwing a tantrum there, whining, and rolling on the bed till he fell. Afterwhich, he would cry. At first, I wasn't making much of it, thinking that my son was probably just sleepy and was fighting it. But in one of his intentional falls from the bed, he wasn't just crying when I picked him up....he let out several angry screams, his eyes flared, his face emotional, and I knew: My son was feeling frustrated. He didn't know how to express it, and he didn't know what to do about it.
Let me tell you a little about my son. He's always been a happy kid. And he's always excited to play with other kids. In our church, he's usually doted on, said hello to, or played with by other kids his age or older. But since he's turned two, he's been experiencing some really disturbing things. One time, I took him to the park, and he ran to a kid that seemed close to his age, armed with a warm smile, waving and saying hi to the kid. The kid started kicking him away when my son was following her. Pablo stopped in his tracks in surprise. That was the first time someone didn't want to play with him. Lately, he's been experiencing kids turning away from him, simply ignoring him, or sometimes, pushing him even when he just happened to be standing near them for no apparent reason. Some people told me once before to control my reactions lest I might be suggesting an emotion that he wasn't really feeling. And I try to keep that in mind. Most of the time, I just tell Pablo to lend a toy being grabbed to another kid, or just try to divert his attention to something else. But this afternoon, I felt really bad for my kid.
How do you teach a child to defend himself when he's not even three yet? I don't want to give him ideas on retaliating or hurting another kid. I can't keep him sheltered from other kids just because I'm afraid that he'd get hurt. I don't want to isolate him. He needs to learn to make friends. He needs to learn to deal with kids that are different from him. Now, he's in a playschool with nine other kids in his class, and cross paths with another class in the higher lever, and there are times when he experiences exclusion . But how do I teach him to defend himself?
Tonight, we taught him how to say, "Don't push." He practiced it several times with a smile. (He seems to feel better tonight). We also reminded him that it's okay to lend toys, and that we will just not bring his favorite toys out with us until he's ready to lend them out. We also told him how much we love him and that we are proud of him, on how he stands out in character. We kissed him, hugged him, and reminded him that we love him very much. We prayed for him, too, that God will protect his young heart, and heal it for whatever caused him those screams. How do you teach a two year old to defend himself? Jay and I will have to teach our little boy about forgiving himself and others at all times, at whatever circumstance, and hope that his young heart will learn and understand.
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IDEAS FROM AN UNEXPERIENCED PARENT -
May, give pablo a stick to play with everytime he goes out to play. Many kids would think twice to fool around a 3 year old holding a stick. I would. (Just my way of psychoanalyzing kids..just my 2 cents worth)
Anyway, bully's are everywhere. exposing
yourJust read raising a king, and a few things hit home, we are just experiencing the same thing except the bully is my 2 half year olds cousin we have had a few sticky situations over this.At the end of the day that inbuilt mothers instuition is best to go by which looks like what you have been doing, and also its not your childs fault its the parents of the other child, you have a right to be unhappy with them, if that does not work i would remove them from that situation.
you know, I just realized this a few days ago. I've already organized a playgroup where parents have similar (or close) values to ours, and the parents would be around to observe their kids as they interact.It's harder when they're not around. Thanks for you comment.